


february 1st.

by Anonymous



Series: (fluffy) 5 AM dotae fics [13]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Isolation, M/M, Make a wish, Taeyong is celebrating Doyoung's birthday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:40:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27062812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: February 1st, the night Taeyong spent alone in their kitchen with a birthday cake.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Series: (fluffy) 5 AM dotae fics [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1754260
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50
Collections: Anonymous





	february 1st.

_"Are you sure you'll be okay? You can come over or we can come over there, we'll get dinner and hang out together."_

"No, it's fine.."

_"Hyung.. you don't need to be alone. We're here for you, we'll always be there."_

_That's what he used to say._

"I won't be alone. You two have a good time, alright? Goodnight."

_"Goodnight, hyung. And.. happy birthday."_

Taeyong placed his phone down on the table after hanging up, right next to the cake with the lit candles, with Mark's words weighing heavy on his mind.

The two candles, displaying the number 25 next to each other, were the only source of light illuminating the small kitchen that night, burning bright in Taeyong's eyes.

The wind knocked the leaves against his window, the sounds of passerbys occassionally reminding him of life outside his own.

He sat at the equally small kitchen table, four chairs surrounding it, not more than one having been used the past year.

Taeyong watched the smooth beads of wax drip down, gradually forming a pool around the base of the candles and on the white frosting of the cake with red, whole strawberries on it.

With his palms pressed against both sides of his face, elbows on the table, listening to the silence, Taeyong began to speak.

"Markie said 'happy birthday'. He's always been the sweetest, he wanted to come over.."

A bittersweet smile tugged at the corners of his lips, followed by a sigh.

"I know I shouldn't be sulking all by myself, but I can't help it."

He could already feel the tears burning in his eyes; he tried his best to blink them away.

"I would've decorated a bit, but.. that would've been a bit much, wouldn't it?"

There was nothing cheerful about the soft giggle that left him.

The smile dulled, his lips formed a frown before he pressed them into a tight line, struggling to contain the tears in his eyes.

"I.. This was the hardest year of my life. I just wish _everyone_ kept their promises when they said that they'll always be here.."

He slid his phone back and forth over the wooden surface, serving as a pitiful distraction, nails gently tapping the screen.

"I'm not blaming anyone, I can't even blame myself for anything at this point. All I want is for this to end - the pain and all the.. thoughts."

Taeyong's arms slipped down to stretch out on the table, he buried his face in his upperarm, hot tears staining his sleeve. He turned his face even further into the fabric, quiet sobs escaping him.

The hiccups were painful in his throat as he strained to stop them. 

"It hurts so bad. I want this to stop."

He tried to sit back up and wiped his sleeve over his eyes, trying to take breaths, only to fail and let the sobs take control over him.

His whole body trembled against the wood of the table, shoulders shaking uncontrollably as he filled the space with the sounds of his surpressed cries.

When he tried to sit up again, Taeyong put his head into his neck, closing his eyes and dabbing the remaining tears away.

He straightened his back and ran a hand through his hair. He looked at the candles one last time, watching the fire flicker, before he took in a deep breath.

Taeyong leaned forward to blow the candles out, making a wish:

"I hope you're sleeping well."

When he sat back, the kitchen was engulfed in complete darkness, the streetlights outside providing little light to leave much for him to see of the cake with the now smoking candle wicks.

Taeyong closed his eyes again and pressed his palms together, bringing them up to his face as he gathered himself.

Time stopped moving for the few minutes he spent sitting at the lonely table, preparing to finally get up and put the cake away.

All that kept moving were the images flashing in front of his mind's eye - images of a gummy smile and sparkling eyes.

Before they could get the better of him, he shook his head and pushed himself away from the table much more forcefully than he meant to, the chair creaking loudly.

He covered the untouched cake with foil and put it away in the fridge. He picked his phone back up on the way and checked the time.

**_11:16 pm_ **

The day would be over soon and Taeyong would be forced to return to his monotonous routine.

In less than an hour, he'd have to forget the date and treat it like any other Monday past as life continued, as he put his best smile back on and tried not to reach for a hand by his side that wasn't there.

Taeyong left the kitchen, almost reluctantly, and made his way to the bedroom that was way too big, way too quiet and way too cold, closing the door behind him like he had been the one to care about keeping it closed at all times.

Sleep wouldn't find him that night, instead, despair and vulnerability did.

It had been 25 years since the world had welcomed him,

It had been one since he left.

February 1st, the night Taeyong celebrated the birthday of someone long gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on a whim after the idea popped into my head last night. 
> 
> This was only posted to Twitter at first, but I thought I'd upload it here too.
> 
> Thank you for reading, as always.  
> 


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